2-3 DAY BUISNESS

Eat this whole bowl of nacho cheese, then burp in a plastic bag, zip it shut and mail it to a good friend of yours.

SUCKA-TASH

Suckertosh, sokertush, sucatash, succotash. The 4th one is the correct answer. Another thing coming correct is this meal!

Pan seared jumbo Scallops, grilled corn/ carrots, broiled asparagus, jasmin rice cooked in veggie stock, wedge of lemon, tent pitched in crotch of pants.

MAKING CHONCHO

WOW, THAT'S SO INTERESTING

I'll spare my few readers of any comments and get to the science shit.

If you can't cook rice or make a salad, you should hang yourself.

Roasted Carrots, drizzle some butter, olive oil, salt and maple syrup. Broil till fork tender.

Filet- Seared on medium-high heat for 3 mins. Then into a 375 degree oven for 8-10 mins.

MOTOR BOAT MY BALLS

Shit fuck. Pardon my french, but La Boulange in San Francisco wins the golden boner award. I get all weird and nervous in here because i can't make up my mind. Here is Granola and yogurt with fruit. And a ham+cheese croissant. Their little milk and condiments table rules as well, where else can you find free nutella and fresh honey? 9 out of 10 corn dogs.

BIRKENSTOCK SALE

Oh San Francisco, you make me feel good every fucking time. I had to hold my breath while walking up Haight st. to get to the Citrus Club. This is some bland peanut noodles that had to be spiced up with cock sauce and warshed down with hella beer. AND! If you find yourself in the area and need to piss, you can cruise in here. It'll be to busy for anyone to notice. Go down the entrance hallway, make an immediate right when the wall ends, go through the stoner beads. You should get a burrito across the street at Zona Rosa.

OAKLAND BITCH!

Hung over in Oakland called for something special. Despite what you may think, parts of Oakland are quite nice. And all you have to do is turn the corner for some rich diversity. Lock the doors and role the windows up! We gonna beat this head ache with a Shrimp ceviche tostadas from a mexi-truck. Sorry, forgot the name and GPS coordinates for this life saving spot. If your also looking for a hooker and jewelery, this can also be arranged all while eating your food.

WANNA PORK?

I didn't know breakfast existed in Germany. I also didn't know Los Angeles had a good restaurant. 3 Squares Cafe, in Venice Beach, body slams all the hippies in the area and delivers a bangin 'german' breakfast. This is the Pulled Pork Hash fo yo ass.

wheel deal

If you see me walking weird and sweating, it is because i just beat cool hand Luke at a hard boiled egg eating contest. Then I entered the Vegan Burger Cupcake eating contest and won that too. Then I peeled out into the sunset on the Wheelie Cool.

BABY-QUE

When two people love each other very much, they hug really close in the dark for five minutes. Then the girl rubs her hand in circles on her tummy, and just like Jiffy-Pop, a baby appears inside. Baby back ribs, salmon, asparagus, chicken, sweet hawaiian role.

CYBER TOOTH SPACE SPECIAL

Not being at this din-din looked like a major bummer. This ethnic sounding meal comes to ya'll from Sarah in Silverlake via her car phone.

Kabocha Pumpkin Soup

''Soup has basil garni that's got enough garlic to kill H1N1, served also with marscapone.

Salad of micro greens, avocado and my secret sauce, lets just say its reminiscent of coconut Riesling and walnut."

Well crap, this makes my 'ON TAP' article look pathetic.

OMEGA MOO

Don't look like a nerd on set by not knowing the proper terminology. This is just a glimpse of the smorgasbord I endured this week with the help from Craft Services. Now pick your favorite looking dish, and then call your best friend to gossip about The Clydesdale.

ON TAP

Shiver me timber, finally a to-go package that makes sense.

Here's a survival tip when your in the shit and your life depends on a warm meal.

Ingredients needed- hot water, cup, a couple Tap packs, spoon.

Put scolding water half way up coffee cup.

Add Tap packs, stir, and you have a wonderful spicy Mexican soup.

THE PLACE WITH THE HUGE TABLE?

Read a book while you enjoy your fucking pho, cash only. Viet, in Atwater Village, seems to sprinkle magic on most of their dishes. This is my go-to favorite, Jack fruit noodle. Now realizing what the ingredients are in the dish, I believe it is vegan. Now I feel awkward, like Paul from the Wonder Years.

BEANS EN LA BARRIO'

Out of towners had to blow the dust off this place for me. Il Abajo, in Highland Park, is as unassuming as any other mexican eatery in east LA. This is the Huevos a la Mexicana! Yelling your order will ensure the awesome ancient waitress can understand you. Besides taco tuesdays in my barrio, this is by far the best bang for your buck in LA. This mexican morning food spot gets an 8 out of 10 corn dogs. Everything you see on this plate was together inside me, very poetic.